When You Can’t Stop Worrying

by Daniel Grippo

Working Your Way Through. Not all of life’s worries have such happy endings. A serious illness, chronic pain, a job loss, an aging parent, a broken relationship, a loved one in trouble—these are serious concerns that can generate much worry.

And worry is not always a bad thing. It can keep us on our toes and moving forward to prepare for an event or to resolve a problem.

But sometimes worrying persists, becomes chronic, maybe even obsessive and irrational. When worrying gets to this level, where it is out of control and paralyzes our ability to think clearly and make decisions, we need to take steps to regain our peace of mind. Here are a few things you can do the next time you feel that worry has the better of you.

Make a physical change. If you want to stop worrying, start with a deep breath. And another one. And another. Notice how your pulse rate begins to slow, your mind clears, your muscles relax. When we worry, our breathing becomes short and shallow, which only heightens our anxiety level. Oxygen can do wonderful things—and it’s free! Give yourself more of it.

Take a long walk, followed by a warm bath or hot shower. Vigorous exercise and massage are other ways to release our worries, which we carry with us in our bodies. Find what works for you, and swing into action when you feel overwhelmed with worry.

Change things, or change your attitude. When it comes to managing worry, the famous Serenity Prayer gets it right—“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If we are worried about a very specific problem over which we have some control, it is a good idea to get busy figuring out how to resolve it, and then to do so.

But it does no good to worry about things we cannot change—which includes more of life than we like to admit. One option when you’re worried about someone or something you can’t change is to instead try to change something you can—your attitude. This can be done by positive self talk and by distraction.

Supportive self-talk is one of the healthiest remedies for worrying. Next time you hear the negative tapes, try talking to yourself in reassuring tones—“Things will work out; they always do.” “This too shall pass.” “I can handle whatever comes along.” Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend who came to you for support.

Practice flexible thinking. Flexible thinking is one of the greatest tools for combating worry. In The Worrywart’s Companion, Dr. Beverly Potter draws on the work of Edward DeBono, who described six styles of thinking. Potter recommends that we employ each of them, in sequence, when encountering what we perceive to be a worrisome situation.

Here are the questions to ask, followed by the style of thinking each question represents:
1) What are the facts? (objective thinking)
2) What am I feeling? (emotive thinking)
3) What’s working? (supportive thinking)
4) What’s possible here? (possibility thinking)
5) What’s wrong here? (critical thinking)
6) What’s the next step? (strategic thinking)

Potter points out that worrywarts immediately zero in on question five (What’s wrong here?) and get stuck there. If you can expand your repertoire of questions, you’ll find that there are many ways to look at a situation, each one of which can give you valuable information.

Turn it over. Prayer and meditation can soothe the mind and calm the soul, and this is what is needed when worry overwhelms us. The next time you find yourself unable to stop worrying, try praying. You don’t have to have a set prayer in mind. In fact, let your worry itself be your prayer. Use meditation to calm your mind. Like a lake, the mind reflects reality better when it is calm than when it is choppy.

Move outside yourself in gratitude and trust. Another way to get beyond your worries is to search for someone you can help. A small act of kindness or charity can boost the spirit and distract us from our own troubles. Helping another who is in need is also a way to become aware of one’s own blessings. Without overextending yourself, call a local charity and ask about volunteer opportunities.

Gratitude is also a great antidote for worry. Try worrying and being grateful at the same time—it’s hard to do. Gratitude helps us understand the proper role between creature and Creator, which is one of trust. 

Trust is the key to overcoming worry. Learn to trust yourself, those around you, a Higher Power, life itself. This trust isn’t based on a naïve illusion that bad things will never happen. Rather, it is based on the confident and trusting belief that whatever happens, you will have, or be given, the tools you need to handle the situation.

Excerpt taken from When You Can’t Stop Worrying CareNote.