Overcoming the “Blues” at Christmastime

by Karen Katafiasz

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, you’re hearing. But you’re definitely not feeling the wonder. Your “To Do” list—gifts, decorating, preparing for guests, planning meals—takes your breath away. You’re concerned about doing it all without maxing out your credit cards. You dread the parties you feel obliged to attend. 

You’re worried that familiar disagreements and friction will once again surface at family gatherings. You or your loved ones are struggling with difficulties like illness, job loss, and fractured relationships. Some will be missing from the celebrations because of death, divorce, distance, or other circumstances.

Everyone else seems so happy: the people in commercials and holiday specials, friends that send Christmas letters about their seemingly blissful, high-achieving families, strangers who smile at you in stores. Everyone but you.

The good news is that you aren’t helpless. You have the power to move beyond your depression by changing your thoughts, your assumptions, your attitude, your actions in ways that are self-affirming and life-affirming. Here are some suggestions for the process.

Believe it’s okay to not “be of good cheer.” The cultural message is that you’re supposed to be happy during Christmastime. People may pointedly tell you that you should be enjoying the season. Don’t berate yourself for feeling down and not being part of the general merriment. Don’t put added stress on yourself by thinking your feelings are not acceptable. And know that you’re not alone in the way you feel.

Among church congregations, a ritual is quietly becoming more widespread that addresses the needs of people who are hurting during the Advent season. Rev. Nancy C. Townley explains that the prayer service called “Blue Christmas” (or sometimes “Longest Night”) is for “those for whom the holidays are not joyful; they are lonely, in mourning, feeling alienated and cast apart from family celebrations; they are experiencing depression and sadness and yet are often compelled to ‘put on a happy face’ for others, denying their true feelings.”

Let go of unrealistic expectations for a celebration that’s Christmas-card perfect. You don’t have to fulfill others’ expectations for Christmas—or your own when they are unreasonable. Take the time to re-evaluate your plans. Be purposeful about observing the holiday. Don’t fall into what you’ve always felt pressured to do.

Focus on activities that are meaningful and that enhance your celebration. Be inspired by the joyful memories you have of Christmases past.

Find “comfort and joy” by connecting with others. Reach out to others as much as possible. If a loved one has died, plan with other family members how to incorporate his or her spirit and memory into your holiday observance. Use the phone, the computer, and social media to share greetings and photos and make face-to-face video calls to loved ones who are away. When you’re unable to gather with family members, check if any friends are in the same situation. You can celebrate together. Friends, as the saying goes, are the family we choose for ourselves.

Know that, even though you may feel isolated and lonely, you’re not alone. Others are hurting too. You can actively reach out to those who are hurting or alone. Collect food and gifts for those in need, volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit nursing home residents without family. And know that you can reach out for help yourself. Talk with a trusted friend, a counselor, a spiritual guide.

Accept the present and experience joy in the moment. Each Christmas brings its own changes, losses, and joys. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t. Stay in the now. Be grateful for this day. This Christmas may seem surrounded by frustration and pain, loneliness and loss. But trust that you can make some circumstances better, and other situations may improve with time. And know too that, in God’s time, the joys of past Christmases aren’t gone, but always are a part of you, present in this moment.

Let the meaning of Christmas ease your soul. Below the commercialism and clamor lies the real meaning of Christmas, waiting for you to discover it anew.

Recognize that what truly matters, ultimately, is love. And so let love guide you in your Christmas celebration. Hug others. Give meaningful gifts. Start new traditions that connect you with the people who matter in your life. Do unexpected acts of kindness. And accept yourself as you are, not just if you can host the perfect Christmas party. Love yourself as a child of God.

Excerpt taken from Overcoming the “Blues” at Christmastime CareNote.

Learn more about the Service of the Longest Night hosted by Abbey Caskets at Saint Meinrad Archabbey on December 20, 2025.